Red Flags in Courtship by Mr Tunde Abiola

What are Red Flags in Courtship?

• Issues you should not ignore or excuse
• Issues that have the tendency to grow with time and become monsters if not given appropriate attention
• Indicators of possible  fundamental problems
• Potential threats to your relationship dreams
• Pitfalls waiting to happen

What to look out for

NB: Applies to both gender

Spiritual Flags

• He doesn’t have a clear or definite salvation experience
• He is not serious about his walk with GOD
• He evidently lacks the fear of GOD
• He is not active in the kingdom
• He has remained a baby Christian for too long
• He is accountable to no one
• He despises Christian fellowship- prefers to roll with unbelievers
• Does not share or agree with your vision, purpose or calling
• He is hypocritical

Trust Flags

• He doesn’t want to introduce you as his fiancee
• She is not clear about her relationship with other guys
• She is extremely jealous and possessive
• He is very suspicious – finds it difficult to believe others
• He is an impulsive or habitual liar
• He blames everyone but himself
• She Paints everyone around her black

Past Life Flags

• He compares you consistently with his Ex
• She is still close to her Ex and discusses your relationship with him
• She is holding on dearly to an artifact of a past relationship and she is even touchy about it
• She was sexually active
• She was sexually abused
• He has had multiple breakups
• He has a child and has kept it from you
• He has been married before but his current status is not clear

Behavioral Flags

• He is rude and  abusive when talking to others
• He is not courteous at all- no sorry, please or thank you
• Has issues controlling his temper
• Too  materialistic, greedy, covetous or Stingy
• He can’t be trusted with money
• Has persistent hygiene issues
• She is lazy and not enterprising
• She gives you or others attitude a lot
• Has issues with substance abuse

Communication Flags

• He is too secretive and not open
• She can’t bridle her tongue or keep secrets
• He is snobbish, gives out the silent treatment or constantly moody
• Talks down to you
• Always require reassurance, very insecure

Family Flags

• There are family conditions that are not scriptural e.g. pregnancy before marriage
• She doesn’t like your family, siblings, parents
• There are serious family objections
• He is primarily responsible for his family/sibling

Sexual Flags

• He pressurizes for sex
• He watches/is addicted to porn, masturbation…
• She places little or no premium on sexual purity
• She is wayward in appearance
• He makes strange sexual requests or comments

General Recommendations 

• There are no-issue free relationships, challenges are there to be surmounted.
• There are things you can change and there are those that are beyond you – align accordingly
• You need both truth and love to win in your relationships.
• It is better to lose a cherished relationship than to mortgage your future
• It takes two to tango, for your relationship to work, the other party must be at least as committed to it as you are.
• Any relationship that lowers your self-esteem consistently is injurious to your life.
• Anyone who believes he is doing you a favor by accepting you is not worthy of you.
• Love and accept yourself and know who you are before seeking a partner. Knowing who you are will probably eliminate up to 60% of people from your list of “eligible”
• Don’t expect too much from anyone but be willing to give your best.
• Learn the art of having crucial conversations – in relationships, silent is not golden.

By Tunde Abiola