EFFECTIVE PARENTING BY MRS JOSEPHINE OLALEYE (Family Seervice)

Family Service
Minister: Deaconess Josephine Olaleye
Rccg Strongtower Parish
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FOCUS

¨1. Understanding the uniqueness of every child.

¨2. Different  Parenting styles

¨3. Parenting for the Christian family in this age.

Though all children seem to be born helpless, vulnerable and dependent, they all come with diverse temperaments, genetic make up and abilities.

Psalms 139:13-16, Genesis  25:23-28

Some studies have categorized children into 3 basic categories:

EVERY CHILD IS UNIQUE

¨1. The Easy going or Compliant Child

¨2. The Strong Willed Child

¨3. The Shy or Slow to warm up Child.

MEET THEM...

¨A . The Compliant ones. They are easy going, cry less as babies, quiet adaptability to new situation, obey instructions more easily as children and teens. Summarily, they can be described as the COMPLIANT children.

¨B. The Strong willed ones. They have intense mood swings, cry more as babies, more negative reaction to people, violent tantrums when unhappy, "test" their parents' authority more and can be daring. They may bully others and do not enjoy obeying instructions. They can be described as DIFFICULT .

¨C. The Slow to warm/Shy ones. They  may initially respond negatively to people or new  but they eventually adapt well. As babies, they tend to have regular sleeping and feeding habits, when upset or frustrated, they withdraw and react mildly rather than explode like the strong willed child.

• Depending on parental influence, environment, prayers and other factors, children may grow up with these inborn nature or change for better/worse.

Thus, the necessity for INTENTIONAL PARENTING. Proverbs 18:22

¨1. The Uninvolved/Neglectful Style. These parents leave the upbringing , training, corrections of their children for other people (media, teachers, relatives, church etc) to take care of. They rarely deliberately communicate with their children. They may provide the daily needs of the children.

2. The Indulgent/Permissive Style. Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children.

These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. They infantile their children even for age appropriate responsibilities.

They almost never say "no" to their children.

In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment. Authoritarian parents don't explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, "Because I said so." These parents have high demands but are not responsive to their children. According to Baumrind, these parents "are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation."

¨4. The Authoritative Style. Authoritative parents also have rules that children are expected to follow, however, they allow some exceptions to the rules. They often tell children the reasons for the rules and they are more willing to consider a child’s feelings when setting limits. Children raised with authoritative discipline tend to be happy, assertive successful. They are skilled in evaluating safety risks on their own. They often grow up to be responsible adults who feel comfortable expressing their opinions

PARENTING FOR CHRISTIAN PARENTS IN THIS AGE

¨1. Understand that children are gifts from God irrespective of their temperaments or genetic make up.

¨2. Times are changing faster than we can imagine. Values are being lost by the day.

¨3. Godly values and other universal principles must be deliberately built into our children. Consistent and in depth teaching of the word of God on  the personality of God, prayers, sobriety, decency, modesty, respect, hardwork etc

¨4. Disciplines must be established from early stage not just for controlling children but to prepare them to becoming Godly and responsible adults.

5. Seek to keep positive communication line open in all the stages of parenting.

6. Keep praying for your children irrespective of their ages or whatever they are going through

ARE YOU A PARENT?

P- PART of their lives and PARTICIPATE in things of interest.

A- ACCEPT their basic personality and seek ACCESS  to best to influence them.

R- REVIEW your role, impact and RELEVANCE of existing rules

E- EDUCATE them on everything relating to life and EXERT your authority early and for as long as possible.

N- NEGOTIATE when and where necessary.

T- TRACK what they do, know, belief and engage in.

HINDRANCE TO EFFECTIVE PARENTING

1. Failing in the duties of nurturing and indoctrination . Because of pastors' ever busy schedules, we sometimes are guilty of leaving the upbringing of our children to others.

2. Parents/Pastors not being true to what they profess.

3. Double standard living .

4. Faulty style of parenting. Authoritarian or indulgent rather than authoritative.

5. Other unseen factors.

CONCLUSION

Psalms 144:12, Phil 2:15

Parenting children that will honour God is a necessity for all Christian homes. God is counting on us to raise a generation that will stand and  counter the current decadence in the world system.